Hello to all our fellow Highly Sensitive People out there! I hope you see how your sensitivity is a strength and actually a major asset when it comes to your work. Of course, it doesn’t always feel like it. When you think of someone who doesn’t take criticism well, do you think of an HSP? It doesn’t exactly blend with the shy, reserved stereotype of the Highly Sensitive Person, does it?
Most of my life, I probably wouldn’t have admit that I struggle to deal with criticism. Only when I learned more about my sensitivity, and chose to embrace it, did I stop seeing it as an embarrassing characteristic and instead something I could work on.
Why is criticism hard for a Highly Sensitive Person?
Sometimes people, often the ones offering the criticism, fail to see why their feedback could even be taken as criticism at all. It must be us overreacting, right? For me there are two main reasons I struggle with criticism. The first is because as an HSP I pick up on more cues than less sensitive people. I read between the lines. I take so much more than the words into account, whether that’s body language or an email. Yes, I 100% see why people say “you’re reading into this too much”. But reading into something doesn’t mean making something up—it can just mean seeing what others miss.
That said, HSPs are just like everyone else. Sometimes we get it wrong. And we do take it personally, because we pick up on things that maybe the other person isn’t even meaning to do!
The other reason is that HSPs tend to be more empathetic. As an empath, I automatically start to put myself in their shoes, thinking of how I may let them down. It’s easy to feel ashamed, whether it’s warranted or not. And whether that means I’m being “too sensitive” in someone’s eyes doesn’t matter so much as the fact that it can take me a bit longer to process criticism, even the good kind!
How to deal with criticism as HSP
1. So, what to do? The first step is to recognize that it’s an area you’d like to work on. Not taking criticism well is only a flaw if you aren’t willing to work at it. When you feel defensive or ashamed after receiving feedback, remind yourself that being sensitive doesn’t mean you can’t “take” criticism. It just might mean you need a little more time to process it.
2. Use your intuition to get better at recognizing what warrants a response. The thing about sensitive people, we feel like we should respond to every comment or message and explain ourselves and our intentions. But have you heard the quote, “don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice,”? Sometimes my ego gets in the way and urges me to explain myself when it’s truly not worth it. It’s hard to let go when things affect you on such a deep level, but it’s necessary sometimes.
3. As a sensitive, you’re good at stepping into someone else’s shoes. Use that strength constructively to understand the person behind the criticism. And use it to anticipate the positive feelings that they’ll experience when their feedback improves your work or life in some way. Healthy criticism can actually lead to a win-win situation, where one gets satisfaction for being of help, and the other improves their process in some way.
Now giving criticism as a highly sensitive person? That’s a post for another day!
HSPs, how do you handle criticism? Have you struggled with this in the past?
