I think we’ve all heard by now that being a perfectionist is not necessarily defined by a noble quest for greatness as it once seemed. Studies have shown that perfectionism leads to stress and burnout a lot more often than it leads to actual perfect outcomes—which is an impossible goal. This news is starting to lead people to look out for any signs of perfectionism while looking within during therapy sessions or journaling exercises. I never considered myself a perfectionist, which is probably why I never noticed how ripe the #recoveringperfectionist hashtag is with advice for those who identify with it.
But after reading about the lesser-known, and often harmful, characteristics of perfectionism, I relate a lot more than I originally thought—like 100% more. Before, I thought in order to be a perfectionist you actually had to have had some sort of success rate in being perfect. Uh. Not so. Obviously, without knowing, I’d considered being perfect an attainable skill. I was average in school, only motivated by what I was extremely passionate about; there’s been plenty of times when I’d question that “detail-oriented” attribute on my resume, and my creative work process is, to put it simply, messy. So how could I be a perfectionist?
Somewhere along the line, I read (forgive me I can’t figure out where) that perfectionism is about acceptance. I’d honestly never considered it something rooted in external validation. Perfectionists tend to put the pressure on themselves, but I’d never thought about why. But it makes sense if your idea of perfection is rooted in what society, or others, consider to be a success. Whether consciously or unconsciously, this deep fear of failing or being rejected would make anyone extremely careful about what they put out into the world.
Still, it wasn’t until I researched the many different signs of perfectionism that I started to see myself as someone who struggles with this mindset. (I’m also anxious and have experienced depression so it can be difficult to pinpoint the culprit of some of these habits.) Unsurprisingly, they all resonate with me. Perhaps they’ll surprise you, too.
5 Surprising Signs of Perfectionism
Avoidance
One sign of perfectionism that really surprised me was avoidance. Perfectionists will often avoid things they know they’re not an expert at (stemming from an underlying fear of failure) and have been known to quit what they don’t pick up right away. I could write a novel on how much I’ve done this in my life. In school, I clung to my love of English above all, since I was naturally better at that subject than others, and rejected the ones that challenged me the most (I’ve since realized a lot of my struggles there stem from this problem with American education. Whaddya know.). Whatever the reason, as a high achieving professional who is well-versed in avoidance, I can see why this shows up as a sign of perfectionism.
Feeling Pressured
The pressure perfectionists struggle with isn’t just any sort of pressure. It’s the pressure of being pushed by a fear of failure rather than being pulled, or inspired by, goals. If you’re truly motivated by your end goal, you’re more likely to appreciate and feel encouraged by each step it takes to get there. Even if you don’t get 100% where you want to go, you recognize how far you’ve come. When your motivation is an intense fear of failure, it’s hard to see anything but the final, impossibly perfect, end product as a success. How freaking exhausting.
Procrastination
As a business owner and freelancer, I sometimes wonder how I manage to juggle so many tasks effectively when I spend so damn much time procrastinating. I would have never imagined procrastination being a sign of perfectionism. But when you’re caught up in this black and white, fail or succeed mentality, it’s pretty tough to even get started. Of course, this resistance can only lead to even more pressure, and it’s easy to see how perfectionism quickly becomes toxic.
Health Problems
If you’re familiar with the concept of negative core beliefs, you understand how they lead to stress, anxiety, and other painful experiences. Perfectionism is ultimately rooted in negative core beliefs, so perfectionists often struggle with the chronic stress (and physical manifestations of that stress, like headaches and muscle tension) and other health issues.
Imposter Syndrome
Lastly, perfectionists often have a problem in seeing the value of their hard work. Having to work hard at something, to them, could mean an innate lack of talent/skill that they feel they should have already had. Often when perfectionists find success—and that external validation they’re often unconsciously searching for—they fear it’s a mistake or that they don’t deserve the praise. When I first heard all the buzz around impostor syndrome in my freelance circles, I honestly thought I didn’t relate. (Wait. Perhaps I thought I wasn’t successful enough to deserve such a crisis. Self-reflection is a funny thing.) But again, thinking about perfectionism and the anxiety that comes with it, opened my eyes.
Ultimately, I’m really glad I’ve had this realization. It honestly just reminds me how silly some of my habits are, like trying to do too much and beating myself up when I am not a pro at first blush. Working on it.
Do you identify with the whole #recoveringperfectionist thing? Do you still have co-workers bragging about their perfectionism like it makes any sense at all?
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