How I Learned to Stop Letting Imposter Syndrome Hold Me Back

I dropped out of college in 2013. And it was, without a doubt, the lowest point of my life. I had been told my whole academic career that I was exceptional—I was an above-average reader, writer, test-taker… But none of that mattered as I pressed “submit” on my Withdrawal of Attendance.

It was jarring and upsetting, and for a period of time after, I wasn’t sure what my purpose was anymore. I had built this whole identity around being smart—I mean, I wasn’t just smart, I had *passion* too. But, as it goes in life sometimes, it was during the pursuit of my passion that I dropped out of school—turns out, sometimes our hobbies really aren’t meant to become our careers.  

I spent pretty much all of 2014 in a haze (to this day, if you ask me what I did, I can maybe remember three things that happened to me in the entirety of that year), but I finally woke up one day and realized that I couldn’t keep living like the walking dead. Even though I didn’t know what I was meant to do with my life anymore—didn’t know if I was even good at anything anymore—I realized that I would change nothing by just… existing. I had to start challenging myself again—taking steps forward, instead of being content just standing still.

And although I hated the thought of going back to school, I realize that if I wanted to move forward in my life I had to go back; and this time, I had to get my degree.

So, simply put, I got my s*** together; I signed up at my local community college, took the appropriate prerequisite classes for a year, and eventually joined the Spring Class of 2016 at CSULB.

And while that should have been my proudest moment, that first day, in that first class, the only thought running through my brain was that I did not belong. I was petrified—emotionally, I was somewhere between wanting to throw up, and running out the classroom crying and screaming. Something about being surrounded by all of those fresh faces—ones that hadn’t (yet) experienced the crazy existential crisis I had—made me feel like an imposter. As I sat in that small, hard, plastic chair, I was consumed by this overwhelming sense that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. It was textbook impostor syndrome.

Who was I to think that I could come back to this setting, that I could just *go back* like I hadn’t run away the first time?

But whilst my brain played the fun circular game of self-doubt my body stayed where it was, and eventually, miraculously, I went to my next class after that. I kept going back until I got my degree like I’d planned; I took those feelings from that first class, on that first day, and I never let myself be so ready to give up ever again. I didn’t know at the time that what I was experiencing was Imposter Syndrome. I didn’t recognize the signs—all I knew was that I was consumed by this paralyzing notion that I had not earned my place in the classroom. 

I didn’t realize that my inability to accept praise for my accomplishments was a sign. That the internal minimization of my success was a sign. Or that the unshakeable belief I’d gotten where I had through sheer dumb luck was a dead giveaway that I was suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

We all experience Imposter Syndrome at some point in our lives. It’s as inevitable as the seasons, but nowhere near as predictable. Sometimes it creeps up on you, sometimes it hits you like a two-ton truck; however it happens, you are not alone, and you are absolutely worthy of your success.

So, if you believe that you’re in the cold-hard grasp of Imposter Syndrome try to remember:

Celebrate your wins! 

Big, small, any step forward is still a step forward. You are putting in the work, and you are making these changes in your life. 

Stop chasing perfection.

I think a lot of us are so consumed with doing something well, that we forget that even trying is a feat in and of itself. The fact that you did something despite your fear is so special, and automatically puts you ahead of everyone who lets their fear hold them in place. Don’t let perfectionism distract you from that fact. But most important of all:

You are not alone.

Despite what you may think, everyone has been where you are; your supervisors, your idols, your peers… We’ve all been there; we’ve all battled impostor syndrome.

So take a breath. Scream, cry, do whatever it takes to acknowledge your fear—but don’t let it stop you. The moment your fear stops serving you is the moment it starts holding you back.

How has impostor syndrome held you back? Tell us what you’re afraid of! The first step to overcoming your fear is by acknowledging it.