Setting boundaries has been a hot topic of discussion on people’s radars lately. A matter arguably fueled by the crossover working adults have faced in their professional and personal lives since the global pandemic rocked the world. Employees separated from their 9-5 work hours, only to be replaced by endless Zoom meetings and emails, leaving no “off” switch to signify the day’s end. Even famed author and activist Glennon Doyle talked about the phenomenon in one of the first episodes of her podcast, We Can Do Hard Things (the inspiration for this blog post). Then, tennis superstar Naomi Osaka shed more light on the subject when she withdrew from the French Open after refusing to converse with the press at the tournament to protect her mental health (I also heard that the reigning champion gave a master class in boundary-setting after she nobly bowed out of the competition, YES GIRL!).
Unfortunately, the line creating that barrier is difficult to decipher for some people, not just in the workplace. Even close friends and family struggle with knowing when they’ve gone too far into rocky territory (the unsolicited advice from Mom is usually not necessary). While our instincts are to brush these behaviors off, putting our noses right back into our work, and ignoring the side chatter from our loved ones, the lack of boundaries can cause some severe harm to our mental and physical well-being. Feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout can result from those overstepping our boundaries. Thankfully, there are approaches we can take to help us get more comfortable in setting boundaries. Below are some tips you can use as a guide.
how to get comfortable setting boundaries in work + life
Identify where boundaries are needed
Pinpoint the areas in your life where distinct boundaries would be helpful. Identify moments that you’ve felt like someone closed the invisible gap that you declared for yourself. For instance, if your boss continuously ignores office hours and that specific out-of-office email response you set up for incoming messages, boundaries may need to be set forth. This goes for your personal life as well. If your ex-boyfriend’s mother keeps inserting her business into your dating life, offering non-discrete advice about your future boyfriends, then a clear distinction needs to be made.
Understand the importance of boundaries
Once you understand why implementing boundaries into your routine is essential to your health, others will recognize your needs as well. Creating a perimeter acknowledging your bounds is an effort to release stress and tension, in turn improving your overall health. If unwanted commentary from others typically encourages your anxious thoughts, then that’s a reason to set some ground rules. Take a cue from tennis pro Naomi Osaka who took a stand when it came to the state of her mental health. Just because work or another obligation is important to you doesn’t mean that you can’t set your standards on how it’s done.
Evaluate what boundaries you can address
Once you have identified the trigger points and clearly understand why setting boundaries enhances your health (and happiness!), you can evaluate what boundaries you can implement. And don’t be afraid to be specific in stating your guidelines. For example, if work needs to stop by dinner time so you can eat with your family in peace, let your employer know that you will be unavailable after 6:00 pm. Or if your best friend persists in judging your outfits without you eliciting her opinion, kindly let her know that you’d appreciate that she comment on your wardrobe only if you ask. Narrow down those things that have been bothering you so you can make the necessary steps to better your lifestyle.
How to communicate these boundaries to others
Communicating your boundaries may be the most challenging step since many of us already know what we want but often struggle to speak up. Or, we think our struggle is obvious enough… but clearly the message isn’t being delivered. By being direct about your needs with others, you address the situation and try to develop a solution. For instance, by informing your employer that your feeling burnt out with the increase in your workload, you acknowledge the issue and communicate what would make you feel more at ease. The same goes for your personal life; by letting others know that their actions or comments are hurtful or adding unnecessary stress into your life, you are communicating your feelings to change the trajectory of those interactions.
If we’ve learned anything from Glennon Doyle and Naomi Osaka, it’s that setting boundaries is essential to our overall wellness. While it may seem overwhelmingly complicated to express our feelings, wants, and needs, it does get easier. At least it seemed to work out pretty well for them.
Where in your life do you need to set boundaries? Do you have any additional tips to get comfortable marking that line in the sand?
